There are a million reasons why couples break-up. Regardless of the reason, we still need to maintain a healthy mental and emotional balance and keep our physical body properly nourished. Here are several tips, using aromatherapy with therapeutic-grade essential oils to help make the transition easier and healthier for you.
Aromatherapy: Helping Yourself Through the Emotions of a Relationship Break Up
The fragrance of a therapeutic-grade essential oil can directly affect everything from your emotional state to your lifespan. It’s important to note that all essential oils are not created equally, 100% pure or organic essential oils will not produce the same results as a therapeutic-grade oil (more).
What makes them unique, essential oils work differently than any other natural substance?
Unique features of essential oils are:
- Pass easily through our skin and cells membranes
- Diffuse through the entire body within half an hour
- Go directly to the brain through the olfactory bulb
- Affect our feelings and thoughts because smell is our most emotional sense
- Perform multiple functions because of their structural complexity
This explains ‘why’ one essential oil, using only a couple of drops, can do so many different things for you all at the same time – emotionally, physically, and mentally.
When any scent or fragrance is inhaled, the odor molecules travel up the nose where they are trapped by olfactory membranes that are protected by the lining inside the nose. Each odor molecule fits like a little puzzle piece into specific receptor cell sites that line a membrane, known as the olfactory epithelium. Each one of these hundreds of millions of nerve cells is replaced every 28 days. When stimulated by odor molecules, this lining of nerve cells triggers electrical impulses to the olfactory bulb in the brain. The olfactory bulb then transmits the impulses to the gustatory center (where the sensation of taste is perceived), the amygdala (where emotional memories are stored), and other parts of the limbic system of the brain. 
Because the limbic system is directly connected to the parts of the brain that control heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, memory, stress levels, and hormone balance, therapeutic-grade essential oils can have profound physiological and psychological effects. The sense of smell is the only one of the five senses directly linked to the limbic lobe of the brain, our emotional control center.
Scent stimulates nerves to fire in the emotional center of the brain, but it also stimulates the master gland to release hormones. Hormones affect the fight/flight response, as well as digestion and heart rate. In this way, essential oils can affect us in many ways all at once, just through their fragrance.
Anxiety, depression, fear, anger, and joy all emanate from this region. The scent of a special fragrance can evoke memories and emotions before we are even consciously aware of it. When smells are concerned, we react first and think later. All other senses (touch, taste, hearing, and sight) are routed through the thalamus, which acts as the switchboard for the brain, passing stimuli onto the cerebral cortex (the conscious thought center) and other parts of the brain.
The reason we are able to make instantaneous associations resides in the limbic region of the brain. The limbic system, known as the ‘seat of emotions’ [ Molecules of Emotion, Candace B. Pert, Ph.D. ], is the place where ‘scent’ begins and where our thoughts, responses, or reactions start.
For instance, the essential oils of frankincense and sandalwood are very high in a natural chemical compound called ‘sesquiterpenes’. Sesquiterpenes are known to increase oxygen in the limbic region of the brain. Increased oxygen to the brain can provide any number of benefits from a better attitude to being more alert. And that, is only the beginning!
Studies at new York University showed and proved that the amygdala gland (the gland in the limbic system responsible for storing and releasing trauma in the body) does not respond at all to sound, sight, or touch. They found in fact that the amygdala only releases emotional trauma through the sense of smell.
To learn more about the darker emotions (Shadow Side) and aromatherapy check out the eBook Young Living distributor David Zarza and I wrote at the Young Living Circle Store. 
Therapeutic-grade essential oils high in sesquiterpenes are:
Sandalwood, Cedarwood, Frankincense, and Myrrh.
Three Young Living essential oil blends high in sesquiterpenes are:
Inspiration Essential Oil Blend (item #3366) – Creates a feeling of being wrapped in a cocoon of spiritual quietness. These oils were traditionally used by the Native Americans to enhance spirituality, prayer and inner awareness. Inspiration brings us closer to our spiritual connection. Inspiration contains:
- Frankincense (Boswellia carteri) Stimulates the limbic part of the brain, elevating the mind and helping to overcome stress and despair.
- Cedarwood (Cedrus atlantica) high in sesquiterpenes, which can stimulate the limbic part of the brain, the center of emotions and memory. It stimulates the pineal gland, which releases melatonin, thereby improving thoughts, cognition, and memory. Cedarwood is also very grounding and centering.
- Spruce (Picea mariana) opens and releases emotional blocks, fostering a sense of balance and grounding. Traditionally, it was believed to possess the frequency of prosperity.
- Rosewood (Aniba rosaeodora) is high in linalool, which has a relaxing, empowering effect. It is very grounding and strengthening.
- Sandalwood (Santalum album) is high in sesquiterpene compounds which stimulate the pineal gland and the limbic region of the brain, the center of emotions and memory. Used traditionally in yoga and meditation. May help remove negative programming from the cells.
- Myrtle (Myrtus communis) is energizing, inspiring, elevating, and euphoric.
- Mugwort (Artemisia vulgaris) Avoid during pregnancy. Has been used historically under pillows to produce vivid dreams.
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Humilty Essential Oil Blend (item #3354) – Having humility and forgiveness helps us to heal ourselves and our earth. Humility is an integral ingredient in obtaining forgiveness and needed for a closer relationship with Spirit. Through the frequency and fragrance of this blend, you may arrive at a place where healing can begin.
Humility contains:
- Frankincense (Boswellia carteri) Stimulates the limbic part of the brain, elevating the mind and helping to overcome stress and despair.
- Rose (Rosa damascena) creates a sense of balance, harmony, and well-being and elevates the mind.
- Rosewood (Aniba rosaeodora) is high in linalool, which has a relaxing, empowering effect. It is very grounding and strengthening.
- Ylang Ylang (Cananga odorata) increases relaxation; balances male and female energies. It also restores confidence and equilibrium.
- Geranium (Pelargonium graveolens) helps release negative memories, thereby opening and elevating the mind.
- Melissa (Melissa officinalis) anciently used for nervous disorders, it brings out gentleness. It is calming and balancing to the emotions, affecting the limbic part of the brain, the emotional center of memories. It also relieves anxiety and depression.
- Spikenard (Nardostachys jatamansi) stimulates the limbic part of the brain, tapping emotional memories. It can be relaxing and help with nervous tension.
- Myrrh (Commiphora myrrha) is high in sesquiterpenes, a class of compounds that can stimulate the hypothalamus, pituitary, and amygdala, the control center for emotions and hormone release in the brain.
- Neroli (Citrus sinensis) was used by the ancient Egyptians for healing the mind, body, and spirit. It is stabilizing and strengthening to the emotions, promoting peace, confidence, and awareness. It brings everything into focus. It is used for depression and anxiety.
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Into the Future Essential Oil Blend (item #3369) – Helps one leave the past behind in order to progress with vision and excitement. So many times we find ourselves settling for mediocrity and sacrificing our own potential and success because of fear of the unknown and the future. This blend inspires determination and a pioneering spirit and creates a strong emotional feeling of being able to reach one’s potential.
Into the Future contains:
- Frankincense (Boswellia carteri) stimulates the limbic part of the brain, which elevates the mind, helping to overcome stress and despair. It is used in European medicine to combat depression.
- Clary Sage (Salvia sclarea) enhances circulation and hormonal balance.
- Jasmine (Jasminum officinale) is exhilarating to the mind and emotions, unlocking past blocks. It also alleviates nervous exhaustion, depression, and listlessness.
- Juniper (Juniperus osteosperma and J. scopulorum) elevates spiritual awareness and creates feelings of love and peace.
- White Fir (Abies concolor) creates a feeling of grounding, anchoring, and empowerment.
- Orange (Citrus sinensis) is elevating to the mind and body and brings joy and peace. A 1995 Mie University study documented the ability of citrus fragrances to combat depression and anxiety, and bring about a deep sense of security.
- Cedarwood (Cedrus atlantica) is high in sesquiterpenes, which can stimulate the limbic part of the brain, the center of emotions and memory. It stimulates the pineal gland, which releases melatonin, thereby improving thoughts, cognition, and memory.
- Ylang Ylang (Cananga odorata) increases relaxation; balances male and female energies. It also restores confidence and equilibrium.
- Idaho Tansy (Tanacetum vulgare) is antiviral, anti-infectious, antibacterial, and fights colds, flu, and infections.
- White Lotus (Nymphaea lotus) is calming and relaxing. Helps one move forward in overcoming self-defeating thoughts. It uplifts and brings deep peace and comfort.
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Methods of Application for Using Essential Oils to Balance Emotions 
- Inhale directly. To do this you would hold the opened bottle somewhere between the naval and center of the chest, inhale deeply several times.
- Apply topically. Sandalwood, Cedarwood, Frankincense or any of the mentioned above can be worn as a perfume or cologne. Simply put one drop in the palm of the hand, rub palms together lightly then rub palms on jaw-line, neck, shoulders, wrists, pressure points. Then, cup palms over the nose and inhale deeply 3 times. A modified version of this be to simply rub that one drop on the palms onto your pillow case at night. You would probably not want to apply Myrrh on its own in this way because it’s a fairly thick essential oil and could feel too thick on the skin and alone it could stain fabrics.
- Indirectly diffuse. Put a few drops on a cotton ball or tissue and stick the cotton ball or tissue in the vent of the home A/C or in the vents of your car. During plane travel, the cotton ball or tissue can be put in a small baggie, when needed simply open the baggie and take some deep breaths.
- Make a room spray. This is one of my favorite ways to scent a room fast. In a 32 oz. spray bottle, fill 7/8 full with water, then add a total of 20-30 drops of your chosen essential oil, or a combination of essential oils. Shake, then spray into the room like you would an air freshener.
- Diffuse. This is done by using an essential oil diffuser. Keep in mind that not all diffusers are created equal. The least you would want to know is that you never want to expose your therapeutic essential oil to heat as heat fractures the tiny molecules, rendering the benefits of the superior essential oil useless. Instead, you would want to use a diffuser that deploys the essential oil into the air by either cold-air in a nebulizer diffuser, ultrasonically, or a fan diffuser. I personally prefer the cold-air nebulizer type of essential oil diffuser because it’s extremely versatile and puts a microfine mist of the essential oil into the air where it belongs if you’re desiring the most benefit possible. Look over the types of diffusers that are best for use with a superior quality essential oil and see which resonates most with you.
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Of course, learning what went wrong is the best way to help us not repeat the same mistakes again and again. Below is an article by Jeff Herring that may help you either repair a broken relationship or what to do to avoid ending up in another relationship that doesn’t work…
7 Tips for Great Relationships by Jeff Herring
1. Commitment
True commitment means much more than simply committing to staying married. Here’s one of my favorite quotes about marriage: “When you marry, you don’t marry one person, you marry three: The person you think he is; the person he really is; and the person he is going to become as a result of marrying you.”
Key strategy: Genuine commitment involves being committed to the growth and best interest of your partner. Or as one wise married person said to me, “What’s good for my partner, is good for me.”
2. Teamwork
There was once a couple who went by the name of Mr. Neat and Ms. Clean. Mr. Neat could bathe in a shower full of soap scum and not mind at all as long as the towels and soap were neat and in their place. Ms. Clean could have piles and piles of stuff scattered everywhere, as long as the piles were clean. This couple can have either a very neat and clean home or a real mess on their hands, depending on their ability to work together as a team.
Key strategy: Use the five most important words in marriage: “Let’s try it your way.”
3. Communication
Without exception, every couple I have ever worked with struggles with effective communication. Part of the reason is that two people with the exact same communication style rarely marry each other. Because of this factor, we oftentimes misunderstand what the other person is saying and then react to what we think we have heard.
Key strategy: Use the 10 most important words in marriage-”Let me see if I get what you are saying.”
4. Meeting emotional needs
In the same way that two people with the same communication style rarely marry each other, spouses rarely have the same emotional needs. What happens is that each of us give what we would most like to get, but the other person may not want that at all.
Key strategy: Discover and then meet the emotional needs of your partner. How? Simple. Just ask!
5. Resolving conflict
Conflict in marriage is inevitable. Fighting is optional. For some folks that’s a revolutionary idea. The bottom line is that many times in marriage you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy, but you can’t be both.
Key strategy: Stay away from “my way” or “your way” battles. Focus on “our way” solutions, or as Stephen Covey says, “win-win” solutions.
6. Apology and forgiveness
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry” the theme from the movie “Love Story” has just one problem-one person died and the couple didn’t get to see the long-term damage of never saying you’re sorry.
Key strategy: On a regular basis, practice the three A’s of successful relationships: Apologize for something from the past, appreciate something in the present and anticipate something in the future.
7. Creating a relationship vision
Most couples spend more time planning a three-day getaway than they do planning what kind of marriage they would like to have. Vision has been defined as “the ability to see beyond the probable by envisioning the possible … the act of dreaming without restriction opens up possibilities that you could not have considered before … ”
Key strategy: Ask yourself and each other this question-”If we knew we couldn’t fail, and we could design our relationship any way that we wanted it, how would we like it to be?”
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, marriage and family therapist.
Sometimes obsessive behavior and thoughts can take over and turn an ordinarily sane person to do some kooky things, in cases such as that it’s always good to consult with a specialist.
Jeff Herring used to coach singles and couples to live the life they love with the love of their life. Jeff is also a speaker and syndicated relationship columnist in newspapers all over the world. While he is no longer practicing relationship coaching his articles are still noteworthy and timely.
One is Relationship Advise: After the Break Up – Creating an Exit Door in Your Heart, the second is Relationship Tune Up – 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down and the third is Relationship Advise: Why Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston Broke Up and What We Can Leaarn From Them.
If you are looking for it, you can find relationship advice and wisdom in all kinds of places.
I found an important piece of relationship advice recently while watching a “Friends” rerun.
Monica and Chandler, now a married couple, are talking in their kitchen. Just in case you are not familiar with the show, Monica is a neat freak bordering on obsession. Chandler, feeling a wee bit amorous, sweeps everything off the kitchen table, and with a come hither look, motions for Monica to climb up on the table so they can make love.
Monica responds with this great line:
“Chandler! Making a mess to get me in the mood!?! C’mom, know your audience!”
Knowing Your Audience
I think that is great relationship advice, especially for long term relationships.
Once a couple has been together for a while, each person begins to develop a data base on the other. If they are paying attention. Sometimes that is a big if.
We so often act like we have no knowledge or experience of the other person, and then are stunned when things don’t go well.
Part of sustaining a long term relationship it becoming an expert on at least one other person in the world beside yourself.
It’s also a great definition of love. ~ Jeff Herring
Evelyn Vincent
Article by Evelyn Vincent, Young Living Independent Distributor #476766
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"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go." ~ Dr. Seuss
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